Andy Schwartz ’03

---

Staff Writer for NBC’s Scrubs

He’s cleaned dressing rooms, taken coffee orders and driven around town on a desperate search for condiments. Find out how Andy Schwartz ’03 went from being the scrub to writing for Scrubs.

How did you break through the infamously locked doors of the entertainment industry?
The short but hardly sweet answer to this question is “heredity.” My grandfather and father are both TV writers and producers, and I suppose I'm following in their footsteps. In 2001, my dad put in a call to a friend who worked at NBC's Frasier. I was offered an internship and worked on the show during the summer between my sophomore and junior years of college. I usually hesitate to tell people this because I don't want aspiring writers to get the wrong idea. While my family helped me break into to the business, they by no means got me the job I have today. My current position on Scrubs was achieved through hard work, timing and of course, the sacrifice of my firstborn.

How did you move from assistant to writer on Scrubs?
Unlike an aspiring lawyer who finishes undergrad school, heads to law school and is forced to take the dreaded State Bar Exam, there isn't one correct path to becoming a TV writer. I set myself up for success as best as I could – writing in my spare time, preparing spec scripts and original ideas, and getting notes from actual writers. I also made sure not to put all my eggs in one basket. I had a variety of scripts ready before submitting my material to agents and producers. If they liked what they read, I would have more to show them. In terms of the transition itself, I'm still not used to it. It's strange to be sitting at the table instead of behind it, or giving my coffee order as opposed to taking it down.

What is the most valuable career advice you’ve received? Any advice to share?
The best advice I ever received was from my dad, and it’s very simple: "Be nice … to everyone." Obviously, this is a mantra one should always practice in life. But it’s very important in the entertainment business. While working on a big budget film, a buddy of mine was screamed at by the director. Despite having never met this man myself, I now strongly dislike said director and still boycott his films. Word gets around quick in this town, and it never hurts to be nice to everyone. Know that assistants remember everything.

The best advice I can offer is to do what you enjoy. Last week, I was working on my short film and had a conversation with the sound mixer. He went on and on about the audio quality of various microphones. He had such passion for his job, and I totally respect that. Many people spend more time with their coworkers than their own families, so why not choose a job that interests you and makes you happy?

Do you have any crazy stories from your production assistant years?
Numerous films have documented the plight of assistants. And while I'd love to say that these stories have been greatly embellished for entertainment purposes, I cannot. In the film Swimming with Sharks Kevin Spacey's character yells at his new assistant for bringing him a packet of Equal when he specifically asked for Sweet’N Low. To the general viewer, this may seem absurd, but this sort of stuff happens everyday. While I won't name names, there are a few examples from personal experience. I worked with one writer who would only drink water out of blue plastic cups and tomato juice out of red cups. Another writer once sent me to Kentucky Fried Chicken and asked for two of every sauce. When I returned without honey mustard and explained they had run out, I was told to go to a different KFC and get some. I also worked on a sketch show where I was in charge of cleaning out the musical guests' dressing rooms. What I saw there ranged from obvious candy fights to ungodly amounts of fecal matter. Yes, I know, gross.

Where do you find your comic inspiration?
I am almost always inspired by people outside the entertainment business. For example, my grandpa has given me many ideas. He was a pawn broker in Minneapolis and loves telling stories of the old days. He also loves talking about food, and he can turn any given conversation into a discussion about salami and eggs.

Do the Scrubs writers look for obscure diseases to write into the show?
The writers usually start work about two months before production starts. In that time, we are asked to bring in interesting medical articles and research for possible episodes. We take a lot of pride in the medical detail of the show and always check with our consultant before putting things in the script. Obviously, because we are a broad comedy, we are forced to extend the truth here and there, but we try our best to stay close to reality. My favorite example was our musical episode this season. One of our writers found a real case where a woman had a brain aneurysm and heard singing. We jumped on the idea, added orchestration and dancing, and made an historic episode. It was really fun, too.

Besides Scrubs, what other projects are you working on?
Writing for Scrubs is a full-time commitment. During the season, I focused on doing the best job I could on the show. But now that we're on hiatus, I’ve had time to write a multi-camera pilot script and have just completed shooting a short film called Letters, which I wrote and directed. I also wrote and produced a short film last year called The Shadow Effect. With today's technology, it isn't that difficult to make films anymore. I recommend it to other writers out there. Personally, I love seeing my words come to life onscreen. And I've also met a bunch of great people in the process.

Would you ever want to move into television dramas or feature films?
I think I would, but at this point in my career, I have to focus on what I know best, which is television sitcoms. Also, selfishly, feature scripts take too much time. I'd rather crank out three pilots, but that's just me.

What’s your favorite sitcom to watch?
My all-time favorite sitcoms are All In the Family, The Office (the British version), Seinfeld and The Simpsons.

Do you feel pressure to be funny outside of work?
Sometimes I am introduced to people as “Andy, he writes for Scrubs.” I usually just shake hands and say, “Hello.” Wait, now that I think about it, I really hope people aren't disappointed when I don't greet them with a quick joke and a rim shot.