10 Myths About Mentorship
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anuary is National Mentorship Month, and it’s a great time to take stock of how mentorship is or can be part of your life. The word mentorship originated from Homer’s “Odyssey,” where Odysseus entrusts the care of his household to a trusted friend Mentor, who serves as a teacher and adviser to his son, Telemachus. Over the years, the goddess Athena takes the form of Mentor to guide Telemachus to reunite with his father.
This original story of Mentor lays the foundation for today’s definition of a mentor, which is now a “trusted guide or counselor,” with the popularity of the concept really growing in the ’80s. These days, mentorship is often used in professional and personal development. Many of our alumni engage in mentorship, whether it is with students or other professionals. However, some aren’t sure where to begin or may opt out of participating in mentorship because of misconceptions. Here are 10 myths about mentorship to help assuage your hesitation to be a mentor for someone or to find a mentor for yourself.
Mentoring Someone Else
Myth #1:
Mentors are people who have everything figured out.
One of the biggest reasons alumni don’t serve as mentors is because they feel they are still a work in progress. However, that’s the best place to be as a mentor because you are modeling and living out what it means to be “figuring it out.” The myth that mentors have everything figured out keeps us from showing the realities of growing in our careers and lives. Life is a series of taking risks, overcoming challenges and changing your mind. The truth is no one has everything figured out.
Myth #2:
I’m not at a point in my life to be mentor. I don’t have anything to offer them.
Alumni of all ages have something to offer. For our seasoned alumni, you can share your learned life lessons, best practices and even industry connections. For our new grads, you can share specific tools and resources you used to reach a goal. You never know what you have to offer that can be life-changing for a mentee. If you live outside of Los Angeles, you can participate in the Alumni Mentor Program as well. Many students meet with their mentors remotely, and form meaningful relationships with alumni all over the globe.
Myth #3:
Mentorship feels transactional and fake.
A mentorship will feel transactional and fake if you are transactional and fake. Yes, some folks may be looking for a referral to your company or even an opportunity to do business together. However, there are genuine people who want to learn from you, and vice versa. Remember that you can set boundaries around referrals or offering jobs, and you can always say no. If you are looking for those referrals and jobs yourself, remember that those are high-value things that people need to vet for. No one is going to offer the big-ticket items to strangers. Like any worthwhile relationship, invest in getting to know someone first and earning their trust.
Myth #4:
Mentorship takes too much of time.
Mentorships can last a long time, but they don’t need to take a lot of time. Solid mentorships require consistent touchpoints (e.g., monthly contact). While some situations may require more immediate time (e.g., talking through a job negotiation or preparing for an interview), mentorships shouldn’t require so much time that it’s inconvenient. Both mentors and mentees should set time boundaries they are comfortable with. For example: If you find that your mentee is relying on you to manage their mental health, this is a boundary you may want to set. Mentors are not free therapists. There are campus resources and community groups that can be helpful for this purpose. Also, if you aren’t aligned in your meeting cadence or amount of interaction, it’s OK to set the boundary and share what you can offer. Mentorships won’t work if one side feels put upon or overwhelmed. Feedback is important to keep mentorships going.
Myth #5:
I can only provide mentorship to a current student.
Mentorship doesn’t only happen with students; our alumni community needs mentorship too. Alumni can be effective mentors for each other, and we encourage you to utilize resources like UCLA ONE to connect with younger or less experienced alumni who are seeking guidance. Their dilemmas are often more nuanced and complex, but mentoring alumni can be as equally rewarding as students.
Finding a Mentor for Me
Myth #6:
I’m too old for a mentor.
The biggest myth for alumni is that mentors are only for students. Whether you are retired, in your mid-career years or a new graduate, mentorship is helpful for any new phase of life. For our retired alumni, mentors could be other retirees who have embarked on a new career path as a second act, such as writing a book or leading a retirement lifestyle that you find inspiring. For our mid-career alumni, mentors can help you tackle the problems you face as a supervisor or in a career pivot. New graduates can utilize a mentor to think through grad school choices or new jobs. Mentorship is helpful throughout your life, and a mentor doesn’t need to be someone older than you. Consider cultivating a mentorship to help you tackle the next stage.
Myth #7:
I just need to find the perfect mentor to reach my goal.
There is no one-size-fits-all mentor. A great mentor may not be a perfect match to your identity, industry, life goals, gender expression, etc. One of the biggest misconceptions about a mentor is that they are a direct reflection of our life goals. That’s a tall order for one person. Find mentors that you trust and have an experience that you are curious about. If you meet someone else that has insight on another area of life, then build a relationship there too. You can have more than one mentor. You can have someone in your family who is a personal mentor, an entrepreneur friend who is a professional mentor and a former coach who is a leadership mentor. All these areas are important and don’t need to be filled by the same person.
Myth #8:
Mentors have to be successful and accomplished.
Keep in mind that the most successful people may not make the best mentors. While there are leaders, entrepreneurs and public figures we admire, they may not be the best people to invest time and attention. Adjust your expectation from the type of person your mentor should be to focusing on the consistency and connection with someone who is willing to give you their time and support.
Myth #9:
Mentorship is found only through structured programs.
You can join a structured program through your company, professional development organization or even UCLA. However, you can also develop meaningful mentorships on your own. You can start with low stakes interactions like informational interviews, coffee meet-ups or chatting on LinkedIn/UCLA ONE. Take time to get to know someone and ask questions about parts of their experiences you’re curious about. Offer to stay in touch, and do just that, stay in touch! With more regular touchpoints, you can develop a trust and connection. Have a colleague at work you admire? Invite them to meet for lunch and get their advice. Do you have a family member you respect and want to learn from? Ask for some of their time outside of your usual family gatherings to get their thoughts. Mentorship can happen organically, but you’ll have to take some initiative to lead the way.
Myth #10:
My mentor will know how to mentor me.
Mentorship is not something innate but rather learned and refined over time. Mentees can set the tone by sharing their goals and questions. Mentors are there to help and guide, but they do not want to dictate your life. (If a mentor does, it may not be a healthy relationship.) If something is not working, mentees should ask to check in. Mentors are not mind-readers, so sharing what you need is helpful to get the right adjustment. Mentorships can be transformative, but mentors are not genies or silver bullets to fix our lives. The only person that can truly change your life is you. Mentorship can give us new perspectives, ideas and insights that help us make more informed choices and helpful changes.
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If you are considering finding a mentor or being a mentor, take the first step by exploring our Alumni Mentor Program or UCLA ONE. These resources can get you plugged in today to start helping someone or yourself reach your professional goals. You can also explore these mentorship recommendations.
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